 | hi! thanks for visiting! also blogging at www.cathara22.blogspot.com | Sep 11, 2006 |
|  | ...details later later later:D |
| | This was taken last June 6th. |
| | This was taken last May 31st at MOA. We were late and werent able to get tickets for the said event. We arrived at like 2 minutes before the last show started. Awww..:( But we enjoyed, since e bro is here now too! 4 is much more of a crowd, but this makes me one of the boys now lol. |
| | some of the photos with my guy during his visit here. |
| | :d it's my cousin's 18th birthday! so since i won in our tongits, my cousins had to wear skirts and makeup hahha! i enjoyed it a looootttttttt! i simply want to make john chito's birthday worth remembering haha! |
 What's up with people? Nobody wants to talk to me! But writing in this blogworld just helps me a lot. And you know what's hard about being independent and alone? I became so hard-hearted to myself. I could not cry. I cry heavily inside. Call me names, call me crazy, lunatic, fool. But I'm just googling, How to Cry. :D I'm amazed with the results, simply because there are results! I need to concentrate first. :-P
But what's happening?
I am in the mood again that I feel so alone. Literally not, but deep inside I feel like emptiness is eating me from within. And that one day when all this emptiness devoured me, I'd be nowhere of existence but a shadow. Even an empty shadow. I'm sad. No, not sad. Extremely sad! Depressed, if that's how you want to call it. I'm spontaneously writing right now without edits as I want to really display what I feel.
I thought I've grown up so well when I started to live an independent life. Although I've learned a lot in the process, I could say that at some points I became insistent to myself that I could do this and that on my own. I have neglected important people in my life coz I wanted to prove something. And so far I succeeded and I was satisfied. I mistakenly thought that being independent always integrate being alone. But at some times I want things to happen effortlessly, and with someone for backup.
Earlier, I thought that I'm feeling this way coz I don't want to work anymore. I feel so lazy and stagnant. I'm just really sad coz the guy whom I had mutual understanding with just died, remembering how he drove me to work, how handsomely young he is... he was. It's because I don't want to take these pills anymore for my hormonal imbalance (which I think balancing it makes me impaired and unbalance. Wuuhhaat?! That means insane you know!lol). Or because I'm currently having my period!?
But this is life, brooding over everything would just defeat my sanity. I hate it when I think too much and when my mind's preoccupied. I know it's time to take a step forward but my bare feet are acting such slugs. Bottomline, I need someone now, whether for a trigger or to push me. This isn't being independently alone anymore.
For all you know I have cousins with me that I usually call my kids in this blog. I feel like talking to them about it but I felt it isn't right. They are too young and all we have been talking about are girls, how to court them, how to avoid cheating, how to move on after breakup, etc. I attempted to talk with Brandon but it seems like I caught him at a very wrong time-"I'm just going through a time that I want time to myself" he said. Fine, I always say that I respect our individualities even if we have this relationship. I started to think this way when I read and read my fave Khalil Gibran's The Prophet and I think that's one of my unique personalities ever since. So then, I tried to talk to my bestfriend EJ but-"I'll talk with you very soon, I need to call a client". Aaaarrrrggghhhh....
I can't finish. Someone hacked my myspace account. My last login was like year 2004 and I just felt like it needed a check last week. Everything was fine, some kind people added me and even left messages and comments until few days later... Tanannn! I received a message from myspace that I had to change my password coz someone hacked it! I felt it was a joke but I found 10 blog entries I surely didn't write! It's all about meeting people online, naughty hook ups, sex secrets, and other titles I wish I haven't read. Sh*t! And why can't it just disappear when I removed it?
Alright, I tried knowing some people's passwords but I didn't succeed. So would this event be counted as bad karma? I can't accept that! And then was highschool or college when I was still curious about damn things! But long had I realized the right to privacy when my friendster account got hacked. Till I found out it was my x who's trying to mess up after a horrible breakup.
Once in your dreary day in life, you might have tried being a stalker or detective or 'Hi, my name's Bond, James Bond'. And I guess anyone tried googling exes (what's happening to him?), guys you're dating (he could probably a convict just escaped or something?), or simply friends you have never seen for ages (gosh, from a maria to maria magdalena?)! Ok, I'm just making it sound stupid but have you? It's both indulging and disappointing actually depending with the results. I'm saying this coz I just did it again recently. Hey, I confessed to you?! Lol. So, is that where I got hit by a karma?
Ouch. Being too curious and proud aren't really good at times. :D
Update: People involved here are now officially 'MU'-mag Un, lol. They're lovers now, congrats and goodluck!:D  Fine, I’ve talk about religion in my blog (here and here) especially about Islam more than once already. This would be my first entry using my newly reformat notebook. But I can’t help writing about it again since I came upon by chance that one person I incompletely know yet might get a plan of converting back to his old religion (if I’m not mistaken) coz he’s kind falling-in-love for this not so long girl friend of mine, Abby. How sweet… Isn’t it? But the thing is I think he mentioned before that he converted to Islam coz his then fiancée was Islam. Now that he’s courting my Catholic girl friend, will he willingly convert back to his old religion if they would end up together? But as I said to Abby, I know Glen is smart enough to decide prudently and he surely got a smart reason, lol!:-P
It happens in real life. It most probably happens in movies, soap operas, plays, novels, etc. I remembered, I crammingly wrote a play entitled ‘Moro-moro’ (ala Romeo & Juliet play involving a battle between Christian & Muslim lovers) in high school coz the original copy in a book we had in our library was tattered out. My own version was even acquired by a different section in our level that made me so proud of myself. I think it’s the best poetic script about love I had ever written coz it’s perfectly done in 4 stanzas with pure and deep Tagalog words in it. Being in an all-Catholic-girls-school then, I was even chosen to have the Christian man’s character loving an Islam woman. And being an author of that play made me totally internalized my role more; loving against all odds...*kilig na kilig ako!,lol! (I’m giggling)* There was a war at the end part but the guy proved his love by converting from Christianity to Islam.
Seven years had passed since I wrote ‘Moro-moro’ but the memory of how I felt converting religion even in a play is still vivid. I felt like I had no choice in that 1 hour play because I love that woman so much and it takes conversion to have peace and unity to the existence around us. It takes a total switch to get me married to the one I wanted to spend my life with. I’m not sure if I could do it myself in real life though. It is maybe because the situation didn’t cross my way yet or because I didn’t have an exceptional religion during that era (until now. I don't call it religion searching anymore but the journey of experiencing God). Either way, I don’t really know.
Look, I may not really know but I still can’t totally agree with a guy converting religion just because of ‘marriage’. I knew a lot of people who converted because of marriage and ended up having arguments in their house and most awful, they separated. In my case, I think I could just convert into what my guy’s religion instead coz I still don’t have one for sure now yet. But I like to stress that I would thoroughly study one first before doing so coz it’s a decision not so far different from marrying, having kids, choosing a career, etc. Else, no need to convert as long as. I consider this, if Glenn didn’t convert and married his then fiancée (I think it’s allowed in Islam as long as you believe in God, I checked it here), what will their kids follow? Two gods in one house is like having two political parties lifting their beliefs to their children. So what I like to say is, learn more about a belief, don’t convert just because of marriage, else, have a compelling reason. Proving love perhaps? But honestly convert. Change for a belief that there’s God, for your self, not for other being.
By hook or by crook, I tip my hats off to people including Glen who could do changes in sensitive and significant religion stuff. I believe it takes a lot of courage, willingness and love to honestly convert religion if you love someone. Sacrificing a religion that a person got hooked on about is a hard decision of a lifetime coz it’s a matter of believing something else unless it’s quiet close to what you believe in.
Well good luck to both...
But and but, what’s your opinion about it? update: HAPPY HEARTS DAY EVERYONE!:D
 ...words hidden behind words said behind his ears... Although majority of my visitors are from U.S., heartrending ouch!... my boyfriend isn’t included in that high percentage. I think he visited this once/twice when I wrote about religion (which is one of the things we talked about) but no way I remember he dropped by again. He reads political blog, and that I know. It’s kind of an advantage though because that means I could talk about him in any way I want but it upsets me in a while how dormant is he when it comes to knowing what I enjoy doing. Be it an advantage or not, deep inside I know I want him to read what I’m blogging about. So I’m going to begin talking about him coz out of an uncanny condition, this entry may one day seep out to him all the way through people who read my blog. :-P
I’m such a torpe dummy! I hide feelings that I mostly dwell through writing. Considering that, I still don’t reveal all my emotions here and conceal it in my undisclosed blog. I’m not hypocrite. But I become passive in some sort of things just like what I am feeling now for my boyfriend.
He came to me out of the blue after being single for about three years. And I am the same as I was before; I hide feelings…uninhibited in writing but absolutely dumb in saying my feelings out loud. An ex-bf never even knew I fell in love with him. Few months after a horrible breakup was Valentines Day and I wasn’t over him yet at that time. So, I joined a local valentine-love-story-writing contest hosted by 94.7 FM Davao and I won a special CD compilation. I did wish he heard it when it was aired over the radio but as you see, writing has always been my thing. But all those love letters were deserted long ago and never had reached its recipient. I feel like Brandon, my boyfriend already got an idea how I feel about him. What I like about him is his being inquisitive in things like this. We have conversations that lead to a question of my emotions but I’m wise enough to change topics else to make excuses. Sh*t, now I think being wise is foolish at times.
“I think love is just being able to appreciate someone's company and presence, even after finding out their negative traits...I know its popular to think love is a sacred emotion that you don’t feel often, but I like to think we have all been in love dozens of times, and never even knew it” -Brandon
I agree. That’s exactly how I feel about him. I may not have distinct reasons why I love him (Yes, I love him now!) but I don’t think it’s needed when it comes to loving. Nor would we want to define love coz it’s damn knotty to know. Everyone see love in different angles, and so indeed, I hope for your opinion.:-P
How is it so easy for some to say the magic word? Why do it takes a lot of courage for me to say I.L.Y.? Do I really care how he would react or am I afraid of the consequences afterwards? Or I guess I need to know how to say it in a special way. I may have let him feel it but of course, he won't guess everything I think and feel about him. I still have plans of saying it though; I hate history repeating itself.
I shouldn't be dumb, I don't want to consider myself as one at the moment. I'm brave, he said. I'm finding way how to say my feelings aside from just telling it over the phone or SMS or YM. I already asked for his shipping address to send a snail mail or postcard: D And the next step? That I don’t know,lol! Any suggestion? I would highly appreciate.
Anyway, I made some poem for him; one was entitled ‘Opening’. But here’s the latest I wrote last January 9th. Dear Brandon;
Please don’t abandon
My life that is warm
Inside your gentle arms. .
Fear, yes I have
Without you I’m half
With you I feel complete
I savor cold and heat. .
Dear Brandon;
I genuinely summon
That wind would gently whisper,
To you what I could offer
Hear my plea…
Baby, cannot you see
The feeling in my heart Is arrowed by a dart. More...
Wish me good luck as I reveal this feelings of mine. But for now,
Who can give me the key to unlock this closed door? Pretty please?...
| | pictures during our training and gimik the other night :-P
plus, random photos at work |
*Updated on Ash Wednesday. "Remember, man, that you are dust and to dust you will return" [Genesis 3:19]A question most people refuse to answer, probably afraid to know about or they just don’t care at all. I am a bit scared and I don’t want to care. But I would have this feign attempt of bravery to state something about it. A funny idea, but I sometimes imagine myself dying like a hero with wreath of flowers on my head and around my body throughout my wake. Sounds like King Arthur’s in the First Knight movie? But sure I don’t want to die in pain. I don’t want my grown life be dismayed by seeding blood all over. I don't want to die ugly and unbearable to look at. So if most heroes I know died in pain, I considerably wouldn’t die their way.
But I shouldn’t die with illness either. Never would I want my family or friends see me die slowly. A gradual way of becoming extinct is like crawling to my own graveyard and burying my own self. Some people may find it more ok than sudden death coz it gives them a chance to be set and accept the situation. It gives them a chance to send all prayers to heavens to save a vanishing soul. But dying slowly is as painful as a sudden death to friends and family, I know because I've experienced both.
Perhaps what I want is to die like what I think everyone else wants. To grow old first, experience more of my life and peacefully die in sleep. But hhhmm… let me detail that. Life is too much pain itself that I don’t want to die being hurt. I want to achieve things that I want, houses, cars, family, travels, career, etc. If I wouldn’t die like a hero; at least let me have a productive and blissful life. A storytelling with my grandchildren about how magnificent my life was is just too delectable to imagine! I want them to pass it to their children and grandchildren too! And since it’s the month of love, allow me to like dying around my beloved’s arms. Isn’t it like in the Notebook? I’m becoming mushy I know but isn’t that so inspiring?
This was a question I thrashed out with Leah. Take time to read hers, she delightfully wrote about it. Oh well, that’s it for now. It’s time for me to sleep and dream of my magnificent life ahead. Let’s not forget we die a bit everyday and we live a life at same time. So… how do you want to die?
Anyway, this conversation would segue about 180 degrees but here. I know I just talked about a sad matter but you know what? I am considered 100% happy based on the survey I took! I wonder how was that computed but it’s my step to a productive and blissful life. I was tagged by Hye and I want to tag no one, lol! Coz everyone may and share your happiness with me!| You Are 100% Happy |  It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you. |
 I’ve been busy and bored with work that’s why I wasn’t online for almost a week. That made me feel so bad :-( Sometimes, I think I’m maybe bored coz I was placed in the weirdest group in my entire call center career. Say, we have a gambler-turned-seminarian, a lady who had heart-surgery-but-still-alive-and-kicking (surgery at 12 and was given 5years to live and she’s now 28). We also have this girl who got this funky mixture of gothic and Japanese style plus countless piercing and full band tattoos! Lesbians, gays, suspected bisexuals are in too! In addition, we have a class of FEU (Far Eastern University) graduates and nurses. I sigh… The weird thing is it’s common in a call center.
As Glenn, our trainer wrote something on the board; my heart was beating so fast but with secret smile behind the tenseness. He advised us to introduce ourselves by giving our name, nick, previous jobs, past time, and ‘something weird about me’. Most of my co-trainees answered things that are common weird things. I may have hundred of weird thing about me but I just answered 1. That is: whenever I feel sad, I ride in anything (plane, bus, jeep, train, etc.) without any destination. As long as I got gummy bears in my pocket I’m ok. 3 days before the training, I’ve said that to 3 different people! But you know what’s the weirdest part? I know our trainer would ask that question before he wrote it. I didn’t say it in class coz they might find it spooky and I want to say it on the 4th day for the 4th time! :-P How I think that way is another story. But I really think that people who got no weird things about their selves aren’t normal at all.
Please tell me you’re normal, so what’s something weird about you? Originally, I wrote another bad story about my ex-maid but I perceived I’ve been complaining since 2008 started. So I changed my mind and I would share this first good news of the year.
Last Thursday, I went to Makati to apply for work. I wasn’t ready as I was before with interviews. I left home about 12noon but I arrived in the office at about 4pm. Because I feel so frustrated for various reasons, I dropped by several places and I got lost for a couple of times. I love being lost sometimes coz that helps me learn more about a certain place and its 'short-cuts'. It makes me smile for myself too, which is what I really needed at that time.
Anyway, when I felt like I was getting behind time, I walked as fast as I could. “walk-in applicant” I said it to the lady receptionist even as trying to catch my breath. I gave her my 2 pages resume. While I was writing my name on the log-in sheet… “What position?" “CSR”- I replied. “Where did you find out about us?” What the? I’m still trying to catch my breath here!? Are you the one who’s going to conduct the interview while I’m standing? And hello? All your ads are in the newspapers, jobstreet, underpasses and train stations, how will I not find you?! Erase those thought of sarcasms, of course, I’m not that impolite, lol! “I applied online and I was invited by your company last week to come over”. She nodded and gave me an application form. Sh*t, I didn’t bring a pen! Too shy to borrow, “Can I go downstairs first? I’ll go back in a while” It’s call karma, baby. I heard Alicia Keys singing inside my head.
I bought a pen in the nearest 7/11. When I finished, I gave the form to the lady. I went back to a small room and sat in a chair like in schools with the other applicants. I was just listening to them as they conversed about their licenses, degrees, academics, etc. I felt a bit out of place coz I didnt earn any degree yet. About 4 of them are nurses and 1 psychology grad. I shouldn’t feel out of place. I tried to boost myself by reminding it that I worked with engineers, nurses, doctors, lawyers and professors where we had same position.
Two nurses were then called, a lady and a guy. Few minutes later, the psychology grad and me-who-must-not-be-named were called. The lady wasn’t interviewed yet. When the guy nurse came out, he said the interview was ok and his final interview would be on Monday. He bid a short goodbye and walked out as fast as he could. I instantly felt displeased coz I don’t understand why interviews there take so long.
Interviewer: “Catherine Salazar?” an American accent. I confidently stood up and followed him in about 5 by 5 dimension room. I sat in front of a flat-screened computer and he then introduced his self. I felt nervous like the first time.
Here’s the short role-play of the interview as far as I could remember.
Interviewer: “Tell me about yourself that is relevant to the position you’re applying for.”
  Me: “Ahem (clearing my throat) My name’s Catherine Salazar. You can call me Cathy. I’m 23 years old. (oh, I should get to the point, this isn’t children story-telling) I worked with IBM as CCS and I handled Sprint Telecommunication account. I answered inbound calls and did some upselling.”
Interviewer: “What wave?” He interrupted.
Me: “Wave 14.5.”
Interviewer: “I was with wave 17.”
Me: “Oh! So you used to work with IBM, wow!” (that gave me more confidence. he surely knows how strict IBM is when it comes to accent, grammar, attendance, etc.)
Interviewer: “Yeah, and with what team were you?”
Me: “West Virginia.”
Interviewer: “California.” (Wow, we’re from different states and time zones, lol!) “Continue…”
  Me: “Uhm, after I resigned I moved to VXI Manila where I worked with AT&T, a telecom account also. Difference is, it’s not mobile but landline. We open about 9 or more systems at the same time so multi-tasking is really important. I did upselling too as required.” Silence. He’s waiting for more. “I love surfing the net and I do blog online”- I added. Well, if navigating systems in the computer is applicable to the job, which really is; I thought it was necessary to say that. :-P
Interviewer: “Why did you left VXI?”
Me: (Personal)
Interviewer: “What do you think are your potentials/strength in this job?”
Me: “I believe I’m patient enough and having an experience is a plus. I can navigate the systems very well, I learn easily and I can sell” (I intended short answers coz if anyhow I passed, the final interview would be on Monday I supposed anyway.)
Interviewer: “Well, I won’t ask any questions and I won’t prolong this interview anymore. I am confident enough to endorse you since you worked with IBM (accentuated) and VXI- which is a very well-known company. I will endorse you for training on Monday 9am.” (cool! no 2nd, 3rd, exam or final interview!) “I would ask you one more question though. Most probably you’ll be working for 6 days. Is that ok for you?”
Me: “Am I supposed to work for…how many hours a day?” (I forgot the normal working hours since VXI days)
Interviewer: “Hhmm… About 8 hours plus 1-hour lunch, so that’s 9.”
Me: “That’s fine!” (beat working about 11-13hrs a day, 30 minutes lunch with VXI)
Then he discussed the compensation and benefits. “More likely, you’ll get the same as what you got with VXI.”
Me: “Fair enough.”
He then gave me the piece of paper. “Don’t forget to bring those on the list on Monday. Ok!?” he asked in a high-pitched mode, an obvious hint to stand up.
I stood up. “Congratulation!” he shook my hand and gave me the biggest smile on that day.
“Thank you.”
I walked out with a smile. The psychology grad gestured a thumb up with a question on his face. I responded with two thumbs up!:D This is a good karma, baby! I replied to Alicia Keys. I wrote about this few days ago but I changed my mind about posting it coz it’s too much of a complaint. I know we all have bad days and we find ways to dwell it out. Although writing has always been my outlet, I first decided not to post this. But gradually, I felt like I wouldn’t feel full break until I post it in my public blog. So eventually, I decided to post it anyway, and I would try not to talk about this particular person ever in my life again.
I really thought about the need of posting this coz she was the reason why I had a long week blog leave! I’m talking about my maid, my ex-maid actually. I kicked her out before New Year! She messed my year’s ending. I never thought that I had been feeding a snake inside my house. I was so afflicted with stress after Christmas because she did so many lies and absurdity. She gave me dozens of headaches and hassles and I would not detail everything. Well, it’s because you might think that I’m the most stupid person in the world if I would. But let’s say, I forgave her in every mistake she made and I gave her so many chances in every foolish things she did. So that makes me stupid, huh?
So this is the summary of what happened. I lost my internet connection about December 29th, when I called my internet provider, they said that I needed to pay though I didn’t receive any bill yet (until now). But because I hate arguing with a rep, I agreed to pay. When I checked my box and wallet where my money was, I got no more than empty! She stole my money. I believe she was doing that since but I just ignored my instinct. Things happened after… Dogsh Dagsh Digsh! Things happened then… Sploosh Splash Splish! Angriness exploded out…#@#$@$#@%$% ...and I kicked her out! And because it was holiday, I never had access with my funds. I adjusted our money for more important expenses and bills other than internet. That’s why I had that mandated blog leave. :-(
 This picture reminds me of her. A toy snake on my right hand and a real snake I'm pointing at. I should have left her in Manila zoo. She was the one eating barbecue in the photo of my 2007 Christmas entry. I look so foolish here. Well, that’s maybe how foolish I was during her whole stay.
Maybe people who steal got different reasons why they do that. But why would they need to do such disobedient act? Poverty shouldn’t be an issue; I think government people should do something about that. With my ex-maids case, she knew that she could ask. But why would money be the reason for her betrayal? After all the good things I did for her? She ruined my trust and our relationship. She became a snake I fed who poisoned her loyalty. I wish she would hibernate. And I wish she were the kind of snake that could change her skin color. :-P
Speaking of Stealing (seems like there are also blog entries stealer)
Everytime I check my friendster, I usually click the ‘Who’s Viewed Me?’ link to; of course, that’s self-explanatory. And I check the viewer's profile in return. While I was viewing one profile, the title on her primary photo caught my attention. It was so familiar, oh! I used that line. Well, not a big deal, that’s just one sentence. But out of curiosity, I scrolled down and guess what I found? A series of sentences I wrote in ‘Single Mom’ entry on her comment box! Sh*t! Why did she do that? My cousin told me to calm down and that I should be flattered (he meant like someone's copying my work though I'm not famous yet). How could I be flattered if I didn’t get any credit? Isn't it easy to quote me? It didn’t happen just once or twice since I joined friendster. There were some who re-posted my writings in friendter’s bulletin board and took off my name and link at the latter part. My bad, I wasn’t brave enough to deal with those people and just posted a complaint in the bulletin board. I just wish she read that. That’s why last December, I decided to place that Creative Commons License at the right column of this page. I really don’t know how relevant or strong that logo is, or how long would I keep it here, but I hope that works. I fairly know that writing in this cyberword is a gamble. One would get a chance to promote their blog intensely and make money out of it at times. But it’s also like giving opportunity to those damn people whose fan of stealing. I feel helpless like I’m fighting against this huge cyberworld. I still hate those people who steal. And you should know that I get mad in issues like this because it's no joke and I’m just a person. That’s all I could do for now but as when I caught you stealing my work, I wouldn’t doubt to mention your name next time. I made this on December 31st so I posted it this on that date. I made one on 2006 too.
What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? A lot of things actually. And first time experiences mean so much to me. I would like to keep it to myself this year, let’s say it’s too personal and sensitive. :-P
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not all. I’ll try.
Did anyone close to you give birth? Ate Sweet, my cousin.
Did anyone close to you die? My aunt Ate Neneng, partner of my uncle who got killed on 2006. She’s my neighbor in my previous apartment too.
What countries did you visit? None this year.
What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? More more courage. Peace of mind.
What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? When my aunt died because of aneurysm. I accompanied her in the hospital and I was the first person who saw her dead. Weird, I mentioned her in this question last 2006.
When I first met Brandon who eventually became my guy. Well, give me a break, been single for 3 long years I believe, lol!
My birthday! EJ, my committed bestfriend who came all the way from Davao surprised me in Glorietta Mall with flowers, balloons and cake. Rolly was his sidekick and the rest of the gang. When I saw my half sister and stepmom after 4 years in a wedding I attended.
When I got these instant kids.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Didn’t cry a lot. Seriously! Said things I mostly liked to say.
What was your biggest failure? Trusted so much.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Shameful but I suffered from pigsa (boil) at the side of my right butt’s cheek! Duh?!Totally disgusting.
What was the best thing you bought? T.V. and DVD player. I eventually gave it to my grands when they visited me here.
Whose behavior merited celebration? Ahemm… me.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My maid who stole my money! P*ta!$%$%$$^%^%%&^&!
Where did most of your money go? Bills. Tuition.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? I must keep it to myself, lol. Let’s see what 2008 could offer.
What song(s) will always remind you of 2007? Wild Thing like how Santi calls me which eventually became a song of JAG’s commercial. Kilig!
Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? -- happier. ii. thinner or fatter? -- I gained weight! Yahoo!!! iii. richer or poorer? –-Richer ;-)
What do you wish you'd done more? I should have had enough travel. Exercise. Read. Write. Draw. Love.
What do you wish you'd done less of? Sleep (It seems that I got what I wished this year). Internet.
How many one-night stands? None.
What was your favorite TV program? Oprah.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I hate hating.What was the best book you read? Reread The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. It’s always the best.
What was your greatest musical discovery? I can't think of any now.What did you want and get? Boyfriend. Freedom. Blog in public and not in private anymore.
What was your favorite film of this year? Let me remember first, honey. I can't just point one. Apocalypto and so on...
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 23. Celebrated it with EJ, cousins and some friends. Barhopped till 8 in the morning. The following day, I met Kris Lawrence again just like when I turned 22 and Jay-R, watched movie with them, went to Jay-R’s bar Rock Candy and Cable Car. Hhmmm… a celebration with celebrities?:-P At kilig na kilig ako, lol!
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I don't know.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?Simple+sophisticated=understated elegance.
What kept you sane? Art. Photography. Blog.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Drew Barrymore. I just don’t know. And Enrique Iglesias! He’s my boyfriend on T.V.,lol!
What political issue stirred you the most? coup d'etat
Who did you miss? My family.
Who was the best new person you met? Brandon.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: Never trust anyone so much. Give a second chance, but more than 10times is too much.
Being brave is not just about getting hurt, it would make you feel free :-P
I learned to express my feelings more.
What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself: Well, other than the people around me, expect that I had received a hundreds of other compliment since I worked for customer service."you are a wonderful person…you have self-responsibility yada yada yada..."
“you’re so good, I’ve never met someone like you before…blah blah blah”
“you got talents…etc etc etc”
The most touching experience you've had this year? When I made people happy coz of my little secret good deed. Same last year.
What did you like most about yourself this year? Guts.
What did you hate most about yourself this year? making some imprudent decisions, eating unhealthy food
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Sorry, a lot of things happened and I can’t sum up everything in one song
Was 2007 a good year for you? A very good year and I earned a lot of memories I don’t want to forget.
What was your favorite moment of the year? Batangas escapades.Knowing Brandon. Birthday. When Paul and grandparents visited me here. Paul and John Chito's grad last March in Davao too.
What was your least favorite moment of the year? When my aunt died. When I lost my money. Mandated overtime.
Where were you when 2007 began? In Batangas.
Who were you with? My relatives.
Where will you be when 2007 ends? home.
Who will you be with when 2007 ends? kids (cousins).
Do you have a new years resolution for 2007? Yes! Stay sane.
What was your favorite month of 2007? February, May, July, August, September, October, November, December.
Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007? Nope.
Did you miss anybody in the past year? A lot, very much.
What was your favorite record from 2007? Enrique Iglesias Insomaniac
How many concerts did you see in 2007? None.
Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2007? Not a lot.
Do a lot of drugs in 2007? No.
You do anything you are ashamed of this year? It's too shameful to share.:-p
How much money did you spend in 2007? I seriously don’t want to know.
What was your proudest moment of 2007? I would like to keep that to myself and to the person involved.:-P
What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007? I wouldn’t be proud of any embarrassing moment, lol!
If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be? I would have grabbed all opportunities.
What are your plans for 2008? Blog more, travel, work, create more art, eat good food
How are you different now that the year has ended? I gained more confidence and weight, lol!
What are your wishes for the new year? I hope to write more, sing more, create more art.I hope to keep all my resolutions.I hope I could make good, best decisions.I hope to cook more. I suck on that.I wish to be healthier. Healthier relationships too. After Noche Buena, my cousins and I decided to stay outside my house. While laughing over the bloopers we had during that night, we noticed a man who seemed like barfing across the street. I first thought he was just an old man too irresponsible to get drunk. But then he started to cough to death while embracing him self. He rested on his knees after few moments. My cousin told me that he was a beggar who more often than not stays at their school’s corner. We eventually went inside and grabbed some food. Besides, our food is more than enough for a leftover. I am so proud how my cousins loved to help without any doubt.  Sa likod ng rehas
I think the man was just on his 60’s when I glanced at him face to face. But with his tattered clothes and shoes, he looks like 10 years older than his real age. I observed his teary eyes when my cousin handed the plate. He placed the glass of water on the pavement as he bowed his head as if genuinely praying. I felt he was ill-at-eased with our presence so we left him silently eating like an abandoned child.
It was not my first time to help an elderly. I even helped children and disabled. Not just even twice or trice. I kept secret deeds in my life that only few know. And I am not writing this for boastfulness or self-interest on this cyberworld. But this time, I think those kind of secrets should be revealed to help enlighten some individuals. To share how a simple act could change a person’s life. Most people might have desired to help but knowing no idea how to start is their frequent excuse. People! starting to help isn’t the challenge here, it is how you could sustain a philanthropy act in your lifetime.
My heart is trampled whenever I see poverty and despair in my country. At the same time, it makes me realized how blessed I am than others who never eat three times a day, live in a house or get comfortable clothes. I am millions ahead from people who are sick, dying, poor and oppressed. This is the best time to express gratitude to our abundant life. If not abundant, maybe enough or far more okay than the rest. We shouldn’t complain about what we don’t have yet we could just be thankful of what we now have. Let us at least try to make this world a better place to live in by being satisfied.
Let’s share, give and love not just on Christmas day but everyday…2007- At my house. I celebrated Christmas with my two instant sons (cousins) and maid for the first time. We enjoyed the moment though there’s just the four of us. My son’s girfriend, maid’s boyfriend and friends came over after Noche Buena though. We exchanged gifts, shared food, and nagpaputok ng watusi (I missed that as a kid! and fireworks aren't allowed in Davao.)!:-P
Although I have said in my previous blog entry that everyday is Christmas day, it was clear that I had complained about not really feeling its presence. I know for sure now that I have said those things because I miss my family so much. Being with the family during Christmas is a tradition that typical Filipinos still follow. But knowing I have these pseudo kids with me just makes me feel like I’m home. They never fail to make me happy all throughout the day whether we end up fighting or laughing lol!:-P
This must be a funny thought, but I imagine myself left as a mother-and-father by an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) husband in Dubai.:-P Now that I share a piece of spouse’s feelings, I believe…Babalik ka rin (you’re coming back), OFWs certainly know that best:-P
:D I am just happy. That’s all. Because plenty of people asked me about Tetchie Agbayani’s nude pictures, I’ll share it with you now coz it’s the season of gift giving anyway :-P I know I have written in my previous blog “Tetchie AgBAYANI, my hero” (click link if you want to know how I met/saw her) that I couldn’t post any nude photos of T.A. coz I don’t have one to compare it with but I changed my mind sooner or later. Nevertheless, I still have nothing to beat Tetchie’s though, just enjoy these!:-D
I believe she artistically characterized herself in the Playboy Magazine German Edition that’s why she’s still famous after all these years.
And I find Tetchie Agbayani’s nude photos amazing and creative. Her body itself is an art, I don’t see any reasons now not to post it :-P I really like how she transformed herself into a full-time psychology teacher. More about her and transformation here.
All photos above are taken from Adikk, he got more in his blog actually. For the very first time in my life, I could not feel the presence of Christmas in some ways. I feel so unusual and I’m trying to hollow out reasons from my sanity. I didn't even make a wishlist for the first time. Before, I get so excited when Christmas is about to approach. For all we know, it’s always a time for family bonding, sharing and giving. I can’t think of any childhood Christmases etched in my mind but I know I used to believe in Santa Claus. I know I enjoyed opening Christmas gifts, over decorating our house, wearing Mrs. Santa costume, watching caroler and attending parties. I’m trying to remember my past Christmas celebrations for I might feel its presence again. I’m known for remembering most significant events but now, I have a very low memory. Damn, I could only go back up to 2003! 2003- Inside Super Ferry 14 on my way to Bacolod (yes, the ship that was bombed on February 27,2004 and killed 116 people. It disturbed me for a couple of months coz I was about to get a ticket back to Bacolod when I heard the news). I originally planned to celebrate it in Bacolod and I would be seeing my Dad’s relatives (including his ex-wife and kids) for the first time but I was stranded in Cagayan de Oro. I celebrated it with the captain, crews, and just about 40 passengers. The majority of passengers were Muslim that's why we're few.
2004- At home with my grandparents, some relatives and cousins. It was my comeback so it was extraordinarily special. My cousins and I arranged everything for Christmas Eve. I really missed our very simple yet enjoying celebration. We got pleasure from our food, wine and Spanish songs (grandma's favorite) for background music.
2005- In a beach resort with my mom, step dad, their kids, and some relatives. How could I ever forget when I arrived 5 minutes before 12midnight? I went to a wrong resort carrying heavy gifts before that, lol!:-P
2006- Intercontinental Hotel Manila with Taka and Rolly. And I missed Christmas Eve for the first time coz I just slept. Haha! I worked on the 23rd-24th(graveyard shift), then after work, we went to Cavite to catch butterflies, dropped by in some resorts and in Tagaytay. It was an exhausting day so what would you expect?
I think all celebrations revealed above are memorable by some means coz mostly are first time incidents. In spite of remembering those experiences, I still don’t feel like its Christmas. Even going to malls and buying gifts seems so ordinary. I even hate spending too much for Christmas decorations and pricey gifts now coz money seems so important to me. I’m more worried about the bills and future expenses, things I was never concerned about before. But of course, for Christmas’s sake I decorated my house coz my kids (cousins that I’m taking good care of) grumbled why I didn’t even place Christmas lights on my window. But after all that has done, I feel nothing has changed. Caroler comes and sings some Christmas songs at my door but I don’t feel the spirit of the lyrics anymore. I received early Christmas gifts but I feel no heart for it. What am I becoming? :-(
Just some of the crazy things we did before decorating :-P But I know that I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way. I even read some blogs of people who hates Christmas. Yeh, that’s just a terrible way to say it, they maybe Jewish/Buddhist I’m not certain but I so respect their opinion. I do not hate Christmas though… I just don’t feel it. It is just a normal holiday in some parts of the world but for most Filipinos, it really is a big celebration just like New Years and feasts. They spend all of their money from their 13th month pay and from what they earned. They buy gifts that aren’t really needed. I just don’t think it’s practical to spend a lot. And I think that there are thousand best ways to waste your money wisely on Christmas.
 
Just today, my boyfriend asked me if I’m ready for Christmas. I gave him gibberish answers like I don’t know or because I found out that Santa Claus isn’t true and Jesus wasn’t really born on the 25th. I was being imprudent with my answers I know, I just really don’t know what to say to him. Then he said that for him, it’s just a time of appreciation with his family. I was frozen for seconds. He’s truthfully right. I realized then that it’s time for me to stop complaining. :-P It’s not about how I hate Christmas rush and people who spend all their money anymore, lol!
But I also like to believe that family bonding, sharing and giving shouldn’t be just on Christmas day or special occasions. It would be more meaningful to give on a very irrelevant date. Wouldn’t it be surprising to receive or give something on a very ordinary day? We could even be thankful and appreciate our life everyday.
And for that, I would like to say that everyday is Christmas day for one and all whether you’re Jewish or Buddhist or whatever. We are given days to be thankful even if we receive the simplest gift ever. It is also about believing that a God exists and that we believe in Him. In addition, Christmas is to remind us that a year is about to end and we have a new and positive year to look forward to.
Don't get me wrong, I'm just being emotional because I miss my family so much. Thinking over the past memorable Christmases I had just makes me miss them more.
I believe I've been naughty this year but I've been nice too! So it would be okay for me if you would just grant half of my wishes on my list, lol! :-P Bluntly, I have nothing else new to ask for this Christmas so I just reposted some of the things I had on my 2007 Birthday Wishlist. You would know what I didn't get then. ;-) - Books (5th-7th Harry Potter, Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes, Judith Mcnaught's Every Breath You Take,Carmen Guerrero Nakpil's Myself, Elsewhere,Laura Lee Gurke's And Then He Kissed Her)
- Sony Memory stick pro duo (256 MB is ok or higher! haha!)
- Wacom Bamboo and Canon EOS 350D Digital
  - For any reasons I want to have a print of
  - New paint
- Chocolates, bavarian donut, gummy bears and lollipops
- DVDs (not necessarily brand new)
- I want new shoes, bags, accessories, dresses, nail polisher(more), make-up kit
- A job that is exciting and stimulating (hell, I don’t care about high salary anymore)
- A cuddly dog
- Surprises (I got this on my birthday but it isn't bad to ask more this Christmas, right?)
P.S.  "Pale Christmas"
This is the latest entry in my deviantart account. Click photo for full view. Baby, I wish you're home for Christmas. :-( Duh, wishful thinking.
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